Trust

My last blog was a very long time ago, 6th April to be exact.  I have just realised that the reason I haven't been blogging as much as I would love to is because I have trust issues with myself.  Like everyone else I want to have people I can trust around me and I always hope that if I am talking to someone I can  trust them with my feelings, my ideas or even my "madness" (another name for the wild thoughts and insights that sometimes spew out of my mouth).  I want to believe that the person I would be talking to would not be judging me but would be interested in hearing what I am saying and if they don't agree would still not down-grade me to the loony bin. 

All that is well and good but in my case I have come to realise that the one person I have to not put in the loony bin is me.  I have just discovered that I don't trust my own thoughts, my own ideas and because of that I worry too much about sharing my thoughts with others.  When a thought comes into my mind I am over analysing it and not trusting that I shouldn't worry about what other people will think of me but that I have shared something that has been divinely inspired.  I am forgetting that the people who will read or come across the idea will be inspired too in different ways  than me.  I am forgetting that my job is not to think about everyone else but to allow myself and accept to be used to fulfil the purpose of my creation.  I don't know how much time I have to deliver on my purpose but I realise now that there is a reason why for so long so many people have called me 'crazy'.  Its a very liberating word which is so freeing.  I already carry the title going back to the times when I was in the single digit age group. So from now on I will be blogging more on topics that will probably rattle some people, and topics too that will make some smile and inspire some to go create as well. Now I need to live true to my 'craziness' and help the world think in other terms too and see things from my angle (don't be scared).    After all if I don't point it out or bring it up, who will?!

Ithaka by Constantin Cavafy

As you set out for Ithaka
hope the voyage is a long one,
full of adventure, full of discovery.
Laistrygonians and Cyclops,
angry Poseidon—don't be afraid of them:
you'll never find things like that on your way
as long as you keep your thoughts raised high,
as long as a rare excitement
stirs your spirit and your body.
Laistrygonians and Cyclops,
wild Poseidon—you won't encounter them
                                      unless you bring them along inside your soul,
                              unless your soul sets them up in front of you.

                       Hope the voyage is a long one.
                May there be many a summer morning when,
          with what pleasure, what joy,
      you come into harbors seen for the first time;
   may you stop at Phoenician trading stations
to buy fine things,
mother of pearl and coral, amber and ebony,
sensual perfume of every kind—
as many sensual perfumes as you can;
and may you visit many Egyptian cities
to gather stores of knowledge from their scholars.

Keep Ithaka always in your mind.
Arriving there is what you are destined for.
But do not hurry the journey at all.
Better if it lasts for years,
so you are old by the time you reach the island,
wealthy with all you have gained on the way,
not expecting Ithaka to make you rich.

Ithaka gave you the marvelous journey.
Without her you would not have set out.
She has nothing left to give you now.

And if you find her poor, Ithaka won't have fooled you.
Wise as you will have become, so full of experience,
you will have understood by then what these Ithakas mean.