Marriage Equality Lost Opportunity

This Saturday, 27 June 2015, I believe there will be the biggest and most amazing Gay Parade ever seen in Ireland.  How can it not be after the Marriage Referendum was passed.  I watched the debates, listened to points of views and read the articles and the posters and even had conversations of my

own on marriage equality and it was so amazing how passionate everyone was were they stood on the debate.  The most amazing conversations I had were with my kids and a few of their friends.  Regardless of where everyone stood it was clear the country was engaged in one of the biggest life changing (legally changing too) path of all generations.  I learnt a great deal and it was very encouraging to see how everyone was involved in some way in the conversations that were being held.

Only one area left me concerned, the reaction and involvement of organisations that represent immigrants in Ireland.  Some supported without question the YES/NO campaign and even had the messages on their websites.  Others remained quite and said nothing either way.  I felt let down by all these stances because nobody took the time to start the debate within the immigrant population.  The ones that didn't state where they stood did so not to rock the boat by saying YES and losing their members and not saying NO because the organisation would be seen as homophobic and possibly cost them their funding.  Those that said NO did so because they believe their members and groups they work with for religious and cultural reasons were mostly going for the NO and others supported the YES campaign to encourage immigrants to vote YES.  

None of the groups even thought of starting a conversation on where everyone stood and why.  As an immigrant myself I was involved in conversations that didn't get media coverage because no one took them there, but conversations non the less which talked about cultural, religious and other beliefs that supported their decision which was mostly NO. As a parent I know most of other parents didn't have conversations with their children, same as in some Irish families too, but mostly gave their opinion or it never came up.  For a lot of young people they got caught in the fault line that was created between the two sides.  In school and college they spent the day creating YES campaign fliers and in Church, Synagogue, Mosque the preacher told them to vote NO. There was no one to go to and discuss why either answer was the one or why they had to choose one over the other besides it being what the referendum was asking of them.  Some youths within the immigrant community were grappling with their own sexual identities or even just trying to understand what the big deal is about being gay or being heterosexual had no platforms.  The grown ups decreed their positions and their role was to just follow.

Migrant representative groups lost a chance to not only engage the youths but to get their parents to even start the conversation on the subject of sexuality and to share views in a safe and non judgemental space.  A lot like me come from countries where being gay is illegal and unacceptable.  Here in Ireland in 1993 being gay was decriminalised and yet it took 22 years to get to having a referendum on gay marriage.  Even after all these years the NO side had a huge support base too and no one took that for granted. It would have been a great opportunity to get those of us who never even thought a conversation could be had on the subject to start having it.  Now the law is set and I wonder how many within those communities have been pushed further into hiding because most if not all around them still don't understand anything to do with sexuality or sexual identity.  How much longer is it going to take to find it normal to see two gay couples coming out of a Mosque or gay couples of African descent? 

The conversations even took a racist vibe that no group took time to address.  I'm not sure whether they were aware of it but if they were not it's worrying since they represent groups that would be affected by racism. It went both ways of course with some comparing inter race marriage to gay marriage. In some cases native Irish people would say to non Irish campaigners that they should not be involved in the YES campaign because it was not a race issue.  Or like one person said to me someone said to them "I don't know if you can read but do you realise you are campaigning for gay people to marry and your culture doesn't support this.  You need to be involved in a campaign on racism.  I know a few groups that do work on racism and I can give you their contact details".  The campaigner is not gay but they were in favour passing the bill.

   The current  situation is such that now gay people can marry but I know from interacting with youth workers that a lot of people from the immigrant communities especially young people find it hard to even call in for support  or help let alone talk about their sexuality openly.  How much has the stance of these groups further damaged an already fragile situation?  I don't know if it's possible to start the conversation now post the referendum but I strongly feel something needs to be done.  I know it is going to be harder to start work on this now but it can't be left like this.  If we are saying all of our children should have a better future we should work at making it an equal one too.