Trust

My last blog was a very long time ago, 6th April to be exact.  I have just realised that the reason I haven't been blogging as much as I would love to is because I have trust issues with myself.  Like everyone else I want to have people I can trust around me and I always hope that if I am talking to someone I can  trust them with my feelings, my ideas or even my "madness" (another name for the wild thoughts and insights that sometimes spew out of my mouth).  I want to believe that the person I would be talking to would not be judging me but would be interested in hearing what I am saying and if they don't agree would still not down-grade me to the loony bin. 

All that is well and good but in my case I have come to realise that the one person I have to not put in the loony bin is me.  I have just discovered that I don't trust my own thoughts, my own ideas and because of that I worry too much about sharing my thoughts with others.  When a thought comes into my mind I am over analysing it and not trusting that I shouldn't worry about what other people will think of me but that I have shared something that has been divinely inspired.  I am forgetting that the people who will read or come across the idea will be inspired too in different ways  than me.  I am forgetting that my job is not to think about everyone else but to allow myself and accept to be used to fulfil the purpose of my creation.  I don't know how much time I have to deliver on my purpose but I realise now that there is a reason why for so long so many people have called me 'crazy'.  Its a very liberating word which is so freeing.  I already carry the title going back to the times when I was in the single digit age group. So from now on I will be blogging more on topics that will probably rattle some people, and topics too that will make some smile and inspire some to go create as well. Now I need to live true to my 'craziness' and help the world think in other terms too and see things from my angle (don't be scared).    After all if I don't point it out or bring it up, who will?!