Born Different – Unique

I understand how it feels to feel left out, to be an outcast and not to belong. It’s been like this for most of my life and took years to turn around. To all you young girls who are struggling with whatever issues you have I want to tell you my own story starting from where I was to where I am. I was born a dark-skinned black girl and that was something I had to face and deal with everyday. A lot of my Caucasian friends don’t understand any of this but I am sure red heads know something about standing out among peers. I have read various articles on black women who use skin lightening products. A lot of speculation goes round as to why people choose to do this. Some say its because these women want to be white others say they want to look more beautiful. These answers both can’t be further from the truth. The issue is about belonging and fitting in. When you can’t fit in with your own kind because of your complexion and you are called all sorts of names under the sun but yours, this can be very, very painful. I know. I am a dark skinned black woman. For me my journey fortunately did not take me to the path of using lightening creams but nonetheless I took more drastic measures. There is one period though that almost cost me my life. One figure of authority in my life took to calling me names and putting me down. This person told me that I would never amount to anything because I was not intelligent enough. I was told that I was too ugly to even get myself a rich husband and maybe if I had been a bit lighter I would have been much more appealing to the eyes of the opposite sex. I was not a good enough sports person because of the complexion I had. In other words what she was saying was that because I was too dark I was not intelligent, I was not beautiful and I had no chance whatsoever in life because of how I looked. It hurt like nothing I had ever felt before in my life. I was only 12. This person would make negative comments to me on a daily basis ... and one day I just though I had better end it all. I decided suicide was the answer to my problem. That way, I would not live to see my failures and I would not also live to see her predictions come true. You see I didn’t see in me what she saw but I wasn’t prepared to find out the truth. It would hurt too much because I had so much I wanted to do in life. I wanted to be a medical doctor, a human rights activist and the prime minister by the time I was 40 in order to make sure that my country would prosper and be great like England, America and all the others. To be told I couldn’t even be one of those things or anything close to them but that the best I could ever be would be a housekeeper or a fieldworker just didn’t sit well with me. You see my mother is a nurse and my father was an accounts clerk. I never thought of lightening up my skin but because of my situation other kids started picking on me. I was on my own. I went to church on the selected day and knelt down. I prayed and the prayer went along the lines of ‘God I know you probably don’t approve but I have come to give you prior notice that I am coming there today. Please open the gates of heaven for me. I am sorry if I am disappointing you but you see I have no other choice. You probably knew and so you know why so I am not going to say much. See you shortly after lights out tonight.’ I didn’t move for a while and suddenly I remembered something. I look like my dad, who is just as dark as me and is quite handsome which means that I must be astonishingly beautiful. Besides I have never been called ugly before and I have always done well in school until I met this person. She is powerful I will give her that but she will not overpower me. After all, my surname is Chadamoyo - meaning ‘whatever my heart desires’. I can get whatever I want out of life and my complexion can never limit me. I walked out of church with a smile. It was the beginning of a long journey that ended with me doing very well by the end of that year. It changed my life though. Looking at other dark skinned girls around me I realised that it is easy to be a target because of just that. People get shocked to hear me say this but the need to feel loved and held is in all of us. Some don’t know how to deal with the pain of rejection and name calling and they opt to fix the problem. Some don’t realise that they are only correcting one ‘problem’ by creating another. When you get older the name calling gets less and less and but unfortunately the scars take a lot of work to heal. The only antibiotic is to talk about it with others and with oneself. For me I know I have to talk to my former teacher and make this right not just for me but for all those she will teacher from there on. I don't know where she is and I don't want a fight either. I just want her to realise how much power she hold in her hands and what it almost cost me. All those who sell these products I have to say they do a huge disservice to people in these situations and are vultures prying on the weak. All black people need to stop colourisation and learn to accept each other as we are and realise that they may be no blonds and brunettes among us in terms of hair colour but they are there in term of complexion. Remember no one suffers in isolation, when you cause pain to one person you cause pain to all the people they are connected to. And to the dark skinned girls and women out there I want to say celebrate you blackness. I do so on my birthday. I look at myself in the mirror on my birthday and smile at just how dark I am and remind myself that the world is a great, wonderful and colourful place because we are all different.