Should We Be Courting Our To Be Friends

There is nothing as hurtful as being as being let down by someone you thought was a friend. It is a terrible feeling and the hurt is very long lasting. The difficulty with friendship is it is mostly imaginary.

Mostly we operate from a presumptuous mode. We never stop to ask if the other person feels for us the same way we feel for them. Until that moment when you need a hand, a shoulder, a friend and the other person gives you their back we presume we are operating on the same wave length. I suppose what makes it hard is that we don't court friends the same way we do partners. With someone you end up dating you state your purpose but with friendships we presume all those that smile at us feel the same way we do.

The pain is devastating especially because the signals we thought we read right may not have been signals at all. Maybe that person was looking for a fling , a quicky or a one night friendship. So should we start courting our friends the same way we used to as kids, 'Hi, I'm Neltah. Can I be your friend?' Could this work better or maybe 'Hi I'm Neltah. Would you like to be my friend' a better question?

How do we know when someone is a friend for real. We know a lot of very reliable people who are not friends but who do give great support in times of need. We never go for drinks or invite each other over for diner at our houses. Should we be courting such people as friends then?

Does it matter at all or is the laisser fare attitude we have at the moment enough? In Dublin mainly it's hard to make friends. People are friendly but they don't befriend easily with people who were never in their circle of friendships from school and college. Does that mean we should forget about friendship? I don't think so. It just means there is a smaller pool of people to make friends with. Should you keep wanting to make friends? Absolutely!!

As women we especially face problems making friends. Since we are created with the need to connect and to interact it can be hard if that part of our lives is clipped. How then can we enrich and feed our spirits which strive on human and spiritual contact with other beings? We make an effort. I do believe we can make friends if we meet them in the right environments. Like any other relationship friendships are a two way strip and as such I believe that is why it's important to be clear on where you are in that relationship. It's like a marriage if it fails you get heartbroken and even get depressed about it.

Since these relationships are this important then it is also important to know the actual situation in that relationship. It's always good, when you meet a guy or even a girl, to know how they feel about you as you start a relationship. If they want you for the night it's good to know so you make a decision clearly knowing what you are getting into. There is nothing as painful as learning that while you were stacking your future on the other person being there they never included you in theirs.

Sometimes we meet very interesting people whom we can have many enjoyable moments with but they are not necessarily our friends. After all its possible to be attracted to someone else while in a relationship so its also easy to like someone for a while and moving on without feeling any emotional loss.

The whole nature of what a friend is changes with age and with time and circumstances. Young people tend to have a large pool of friends and they thrive on that communion and diversity. Older people (not old) tend to streamline and take more care to make friends. It's at this point that one can find themselves isolated. This is not to say we shouldn't make an effort to make friends. I truly believe it is within our grasp and for our own good to reach out and maybe, just maybe one might find that best friend for life!!